"Top 10 Headlines, Rochester, NY, 2034"

By: 
Nick DiChario

#10. Rochester Buys Wellsville

In a year when the world has made great strides to curtail the energy crisis with major advancements in solar and wind power, electric and hybrid automobiles, the biodiesel engine and E85 (85% ethanol) fuel, hydrogen bioreactors and a resurgence of nuclear power plants, the city of Rochester, NY, perhaps seeking to stake out its own unique claim on the new energy frontier, took a step back to the future and purchased the town of Wellsville, NY, for $978,400.12.

"Wellsville is an excellent investment in energy futures," said Mimi Henderson, who put together the purchase package for Rochester on behalf of the mayor's office. "In the late 19th and early 20th centuries, Wellsville was one of the hottest oil drilling sites in America. You can see the evidence of it if you look around the community. There are still old Sinclair Oil refineries and oil pumps standing on the hills. With a little luck and some good old fashioned ingenuity, Wellsville could become the new Sudan."

The deal was steeped in controversy and largely ridiculed by political opponents of the mayor's office, who were swift to point out that oil producers tapped Wellsville dry more than a century ago. But the agreement eventually pushed through, and Rochester became the proud new owner of 22,000 square acres of land in the picturesque foothills of the Appalachian Mountains.

What does the city intend to do with its new acquisition? "Drill," said Henderson. "We've hired a team of geologists to test old sites and potential new ones. There have been significant advancements in geological testing and instrumentation since last century. Who knows what we might find there. With oil selling at $2K a barrel, if we squeeze so much as a keg out of Wellsville we'll hit our ROI. And just think of the upside if we strike the mother-load. Black gold! Texas tea! We'll see who's laughing then."

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Author Info: 

Nick DiChario has been an active member of the Rochester writing scene for more than twenty years. He is the fiction editor of HazMat Review, Rochester’s independent literary magazine (http://www.hmlr.org). Nick has been nominated for several writing awards and he is the author of two published novels, A Small and Remarkable Life (2006) and Valley of Day-Glo (2008). For more info about Nick visit http://www.NickDiChario.com.

Nick’s laments that his favorite place in Rochester no longer exists: ”The Atlantic Tavern, once located near the corner of Atlantic and University, was for thirty years one of the most vibrant and colorful establishments in Rochester, where bikers and writers would hang out together drinking beer, shooting pool, blasting the juke, and talking books and Harleys with an abandon that even Charles Bukowski would have admired. The Atlantic was always grimy and smelled of gasoline and greasy cheeseburgers and had no decor to speak of. It was freezing cold in the winter and a sweltering sweat-box in the summer. None of this stopped its dedicated core of roughnecks, book lovers, characters, and social outcasts from gathering there many nights each week. The Atlantic Tavern has stood abandoned since it was sold to an unmotivated buyer circa 2003, which in its own way is a small mercy. For those of us who truly loved the place, it would have hurt way too much to see the dive known simply as “the Tavern” transformed into a haven for yuppies.”